Is Cutting Off Parents A Bad Thing? 

Lifestyle Collective, December 11, 2023

By Audrey Tan

We’re all familiar with the famous quote by Scottish Novelist Sir Walter Scott –” blood is thicker than water“. It’s used to signify that family ties are stronger than any relationship we acquire along life’s journey. Family connections are blood-deep and not just water. 

While this might be true for many, have you ever heard the full quote? Quite bafflingly, it goes, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Now, suddenly, we see that this quote states the opposite of what it is usually used to justify—that the blood of the “covenant”, or your chosen relationships, are way more important than those you were born into. 

While our parents and grandparents were undoubtedly raised with the nuclear family as the ultimate goal, late millennials and Gen Zs have flipped this standard onto its head. More and more are not afraid to sever relationships with abusive family members, and it has become a hot social media topic, especially on TikTok.

With the explosive rise of mental health awareness and mass communication enabled by social media, new standards are set at lightning speeds. People are asking, “Why keep your parents in your life if they have done nothing but abuse you?”. And they sure have a point. 

Is a toxic/tumultuous relationship really worth fighting for just because these people are your family? 

Questions To Consider Before Cutting Off Your Parents

The decision to remove your parents from your life is a big one. And once done, you may come to regret it. It’s vital to take as much time as you need and ask yourself these questions before making a final decision:

• Do they really deserve it?

For many, this one might be pretty easy. If you are in an abusive or manipulative relationship with your parents and see no chance for change, it may be best for you and your future family to sever the relationship. 

For others, this question can be more challenging. Should we cut our parents out of our lives because they hold particular views we disagree with? Have they said things that gave you the ick? Consider that every person is a product of their environment, and a few ‘wrong’ views can be corrected over time. 

•  Have I tried amending things?

No matter how bad the relationship, your parents are a significant part of not only your life but who you are as a person. Severing ties might seem like a quick and painless solution, but it has genuine long-term consequences. 

Ensure you have tried all available angles—like confronting them and trying to change their minds—before making such a drastic decision.

• Will I really be better off without them?

Again, if you find yourself in an actual abusive relationship with your parents, this one is probably a no-brainer. But for many on the edge, consider your life without your parents. Despite all their shortcomings, they often still provide support, whether emotional, financial, or general life advice. 

These things can be more than valuable, and you might not even realise what you have lost until it is too late. If you have kids or plan on having them, wouldn’t you like them to have their grandparents around?

• Am I really ready?

Severing family ties is an incredibly big move. This is especially true in Asia, where you will likely get shunned by your extended family or face other social repercussions, such as a sudden change in your living situation. Make sure you have thought this decision through and are ready to continue life by yourself before making any drastic moves. 

Although I don’t come from a troubled family, I still struggle with the fact that my parents do not completely understand me. We have different views, and they do say some questionable things. Still, I always remind myself that we’ve grown up in very different times. I’m not saying that you should tolerate every wrongdoing, but letting some things go can help your relationship more than trying to fight everything they say or do. Pick your battles wisely.

If you’re still living under the same roof as your parents, try moving out first. When your parents are no longer breathing down your neck, you might have space and time to think clearly and find a better/different perspective on the situation.

Even though your parents have known you longer than anyone else on this planet, it doesn’t give them the right to constantly abuse and manipulate you. If your parents do nothing but negatively impact your life, you shouldn’t be afraid to take the critical step of leaving them behind just because of social stigma. 

Personally, I feel that if you are certain there is nothing to be gained for you and you’ve tried everything to mend your relationship with your parents to no avail, don’t be afraid to do what is right for you and your future.